What!?

I have two posts kinda ready to go, but this is better.



This came to me via Jane via Defective Yeti (very entertaining) via the comment from Dale.

Hey, I'm supposed to be doing my Canadian taxes, so many links will be followed this morning.

You never know what might happen on the third day

It's easy to get down about Hollywood. It's easy to be frustrated that there's no one who'll just read your damn resumé and a sample script already. Wouldn't that be nice? It's easy to think that nearly impossible is the same thing as impossible.

Especially when you read things like Jane E's post on the three-track approach, or Amanda's post on (not) getting an agent. Um, sorry, but I don't really want to become a cop or write a novel. I want to write TV.

It's easy to feel discouraged when you have bruised ribs and a bad cold and you start having fevered dreams about meeting Joss Whedon who knows your name but doesn't like your attitude. 

It's hard to remember that NOT GIVING UP is half the battle. At least. 

Three great specs and a crapload of tenacity. That's all you need. So hang in there. You never know what might happen on the third day.

Artery cloggery

Well, it's Easter, so you'd think I'd be into the Easter Cream Eggs. To be honest though, the creamy center kind of creeps me out. What do they have to put in there to keep it all gooey? I'd rather not find out. And I'd rather not eat it, too.

Pencils (turned) down

My next blog was going to be on the power of TV – how it shapes our lives, gets us through rough spots, and means so much to so many.

But that idea has been usurped by this pretty pictorial presenting the Power of Pencils.
Half a million pencils doesn't look like that many when they're all just sitting in boxes on the sidewalk, but when you get in the line of people who are lifting each box from sidewalk to truck, all of a sudden you realize that a half million is a really really lot of pencils.

Joss Whedon jumped in line beside me, and though I totally hero-worship him, I was cool. We had a nice little chat - mostly about how best to lift a box of pencils without destroying your back. We tried to come up with less weighty campaign ideas for the future. In response to my Cotton Balls for Media Moguls idea, Joss suggested Meringues for Moguls, which I thought was a good use of alliteration and sugar.

I'm sure if we'd been delivering egg white cookies, the moguls would have accepted them gladly. Sadly, the pencils were unceremoniously rejected. I mean, they're writing implements, so I can see why the moguls wouldn't have any use for them.

Ron Moore, Jane Espenson, Danny Strong and quite a few fans came out to see the pencils not be delivered. There were also about a zillion camera crews and I guess that's really the point.

I had a very interesting morning marching up and down outside Disney (Alameda Gate). Two women from the WGA board came by to gauge morale on the line, and gather suggestions and comments.It's the first time I've heard anyone really talk about how they're feeling about the strike. While no one's resolve is waning, people are thinking ahead to January, trying to come up with some plans to keep the morale high
and the picketing attendance high. There were lots of interesting ideas being thrown around and I have high hopes that the writers can stick to it as long as it take to get the AMPTP to be reasonable.

A few writers were making plans to look for part time jobs to support their families come January. Double half-fat mochalattechino anyone?

There were still plenty of honks of support. Even a fire truck, sirens blaring as it raced to save the day, honked its horn in support as it flew by. There were a couple of grinchy types, complaining because they had no jobs and no money for Christmas. That is sad. Really, I feel for anyone who can't earn a living for whatever reason. Which is why I didn't tell that one total ass that maybe if tried to be a little nicer someone might want to hire him.

Step 3: Become better sinner

The more books on TV writing I read, the more I become convinced that if you've read Alex Epstein's Crafty TV Writing and all of Jane Espenson's blog, you're golden.

But someone sent me a free copy of Ellen Sandler's The TV Writer's Workbook, so as a way of procrastinating and still accomplishing something (if you're accomplishing something, is it still procrastinating?) I started to give it a read. So far I've learned three valuable lessons.

1. I suck at workbooks.

Really. I'm good at reading. But when I get to the end of the chapter and they want you to do exercises, I'm all like, sure I'll do exercises, just after I peek into the next chapter to see what's going on there. Ten pages later, I figure the exercise from way back in chapter two can wait.

Which answers my question from two graphs ago. It definitely is procrastination.

2. Without theme, I'm nothing.

One of Sandler's exercises that I did attempt involved writing an episode premise line. Nothing new there. Still, in writing a fresh premise line for my struggling Bones spec, I realized my so-called theme was like microwaved marshmallows. Sweet, but no substance. That little premise line re-focused my mind and this morning's rewriting was a smashing success. For the first time, my Bones is starting to read like their Bones. And not the crappy Bones that pop up every once in a while. The really good ones.

3. I need to sin more

Sandler can come up with a whole page of purely glutinous acts in which she has actively engaged. Wait, that should be pure acts of gluttony. I wasn't trying to invoke Elmer's White Glue - which, incidentally, some sinful kids used to eat in school. Not me. Might have sniffed it a little, but that's it. Never was a sinner. Not even in grade two. Though there was that adorable Mark Sutherland who sparked a few lustful thoughts... couldn't help that. Mark said he liked my red hair. He was much more interesting than arithmetic.

Holy bats on ponies, where was I?

Oh yeah. Sandler and Sin.

Must become a lusty, wrathful, proud, envious, greedy, gluttony-filled, sloth-like creature. Bad for friendships. Great for my art.

So there you have it, folks. Three salient ways to improve my writing, in just six chapters. Thanks, Ellen.

Strike notes
I walked the line at Universal on Friday. It was fan day, but I'm pretty sure the only fans there were BSG nuts (I love the show, but not the way those guys love the show). I felt a little sad for the CSI, Friday Night Lights, and Law and Order people - their gates were all underpopulated and a bit lonely. I was feeling a bit lonely that day, too. Some days I'm a great meet-and-make-small-talk-er. Some days, like Friday, I'm just rubbish at it. I really could have used a strike buddy.

I only spent a couple of hours there and now I feel even more sorry for the writers. Walking up and back in an endless loop, waving at honking Prii (the plural of Prius, natch), and chanting "Union power!" is not nearly as exciting as it sounds, and I'm well aware that it sounds dead boring to begin with.

Managed to have a few little chats with Jane Espenson, who is obviously as lovely a human being as her blog would indicate. We mostly talked about House, and all the TV we'd watch if the strike goes on so long that I run out of new episodes of old favorites and she finds herself with time on her hands. On our mutual to-watch list: Six Feet Under, The Wire, and um, something else, I'm sure.

I also met a guy who won an Emmy in the early nineties for some kids show I admittedly had never heard of. He's now waiting tables to make ends meet. His advice was all along the "Steel yourself, kid. It's a tough business" line.

Also walking for a piece of the internet pie:
• Justine Bateman, very perky and cool. I would never have known it was her, except she kept shaking people's hands and saying "Hi, I'm Justine Bateman. You may remember me from such shows as TV's Family Ties." No. She didn't say that last bit. But I would have loved it if she had. She very cleverly had a strike buddy with her.
• Actor Adam Busch - better known (by me) as Warren from Buffy. Also with strike buddy.*
• Writer Harlan Ellison. Mr Sci-fi. Many buddies.
• Ron Moore, of course. Swamped with fan buddies.

So yeah. I wouldn't say striking is fun. But then, it's not supposed to be. I'm going to head out again tomorrow. Hopefully my inner extrovert will be awake.

*Update: Just discovered Adam Busch's buddy was Amber Benson, one of my Buffy favs. Here's a picture.

A writer's fairie would be much more useful

Warning!! This installment rambles on forever, so quit while you're ahead. Or at least make a nice strong cup of coffee before you dive in.

If wishing (and hard work) made it so
First, I've been hearing whispered details on the internet that the Warner Bros. Television Writers Workshop is taking ten - only ten! - successful applicants. Yeeps. If I'm one of the top ten applicants, this is great news. Imagine all the things I could learn with only nine other people in my workshop. Then again, if I'm, say, number 12 on the list... no, will not think about that. I am going to get in. I am. Definitely. No question. Yessiree Mr Barker. I am.

You can read Jane Espenson for all the pertinent insider details. Not about me getting in. About the workshop.

Writing what I know
My Bones struggle has been long and arduous, but I'm getting there. Crime drama is kinda hard to write. Who knew? There are all those new characters to create, and the hard science that needs to be invented - I mean - researched, and little clues that need laying. Then, once you have all that, you're only half-way there, because you have to make it all emotionally significant to your investigators. If you can do that, then maybe, just maybe, you have something.

My previous storyline was all about people, places, and things I really knew nothing about. It had a great crime scene, a fascinating victim, and a really gruesome way of identifying the body... but that was all. So I am now relying on that old chestnut "Write what you know". No, I've never killed anyone. I've never even hit anyone. But there was that noisy neighbor who gave me severe sleep deprivation and fevered dreams of ways to dispose of her... in the end I just moved, but that's not how the character in my Bones is going to handle it.

Writers faires and panel discussions
One of the good things about living in LA is that there are lots of opportunities to hobnob with real working writers while they dispense their sage advice ("Be an accountant! Be a zoologist! Just don't be a writer!"). You also get to eavesdrop on your fellow struggling writers as they talk about their miserable lives, which can be lots of fun. Sometimes though, I find myself sitting at these events thinking "I should have just stayed home and spent the day writing".

The UCLA Writers Faire was one such event. Yes, there were plenty of pro writers there, who now spend most of their time teaching at UCLA. But they mostly only dispensed wisdom regarding paying hundreds of dollars to take their UCLA courses. I'm sure I'd learn a lot from them, but I'm also pretty sure I could learn most of that stuff from other sources, in a lot less time, for a lot less cash.

Then there was the Writers Guild Sublime Primetime event. The other WGA events I've been to have been great. The Evening with John Wells made me just ache to be in his room (his writers' room, doofus!). Sublime Primetime was entertaining, I suppose, but a good half hour was taken up by a clip reel - hey, I've already seen the shows, don't waste my precious time on clips! The rest of it just felt a bit jumbled and flat. Matthew Weiner was the least confounded by the set-up, and actually managed to scatter some wise pearls around. Matt Selman made a few hilariously inappropriate comments, which kept things lively. The other panelists just seemed a bit uncomfortable, and I really don't blame them, it was just that kind of evening.

Slacker excuses
I'm starting a new running regime. Four times a week, first thing in the morning. Plus two sessions of weights per week, and ultimate frisbee. How does this leave me time to do anything else you ask? The answer. Volume!