What is a night-life baby, anyways?

My brain feels like sludge. I just wanna go watch TV. But before I do, here are a few more things I picked up at the WGA (dirty!).

During the pre-game show, Winnie and Robin set forward the concept of willful denial as a useful tool for wannabes. For example:

Powers That Be: "You'll never make it in showbiz, kid."   Willfully Denying Writer: "Yes, I will."

PTB: "Your chances of getting a job are almost zero, kid."   WDW: "Almost zero? Great!"

PTB: "Your writing sucks ass."   WDW: "No, it doesn't."

And so on. The idea being that if you admit to yourself how hard it's gonna be, you'll just give up and go to dental assistant school.

Later, the Rhimes rolled out these gems:

On pitching Tell 'em it's a sad story and they'll think it's a sad story. Tell them it's funny and they'll think it's funny. Ahh, the power of suggestion.

On film school It ain't gonna teach you how to write. It can teach you a whole lot of other things about the business and give you all sorts of contacts, but if you couldn't write when you went in, you're not going to be able to write when you graduate. 

On notes No matter how stupid the note (and some of them are pretty damn stupid) you'll find that it's coming from somewhere. There's a reason for it. You just have to figure out what that reason is.

On creating character Figure out 'what's in their lockers'. Or handbags. Or backpacks. Or pockets. Or whatever. Just work out what that character needs with 'em to get through the day.

There you go. That's what I took away from the evening. That, and some cheese and crackers (in my belly).

Artery Cloggery

Might have an orange later. That's all I have room for because I'm all full up of the Fish Taco Sampler Platter from Senor Fish on Eagle Rock Blvd. Yum! You should totally go there. But it closes at 9.30pm, so go early, go often.

I love the night-life baby

I finally went to my first (and their last) in the Anatomy of a Script series at the Writers Guild. Before I get into what a cool person Shonda Rhimes is (or appears to be) let me briefly rant.

Can someone tell me why these events cost $50? I assume they're meant for struggling WGA members and other struggling writers as a way to meet like-minded people and improve their craft. Guess who doesn't have $50 to fork over for an evening out? Struggling writers. That's who. There should be a struggling writers rate or something. "See how thin and pale I am? Please let me in for a mere $30, oh WG powers that be." Actually, scratch that. A lot of writers aren't that thin - it comes from sitting around on our butts all day, thinking.

Another rant. Why are there always a few people at these things that just don't know how to behave? You know who I'm talking about. Ladies chatting in French throughout and British bloke who, in an almost empty room, came and sat in the chair right next to mine, and then spread his legs all out into my chair space. I thought he was just being friendly, until I said 'Hi' and he merely grunted his reply. I guess if I had known then that he was a Brit, I would have understood that to mean "I want you to bear my children" and not "leave me the f--- alone". Oh man, I hope those people don't read my blog.***

Okay, back to Ms Shonda.

I would guess, from watching her show, that somewhere deep inside, SR is a bundle of neuroses tying themselves in ever-tightening knots. But in person, she was positively cucumberesque. Not Winnie Holzman's constant interruptions, always preceded by "Not to interrupt you but..." (it was cute), nor Robin Schiff's mention of the Isaiah Washington Golden Globes debacle could shake her. I was a little shocked, Shonda was fine.

Here are a few random items from the evening.

The way she deals with, erm, less-than-brilliant notes. Turns out, silence is golden. She keeps mum and lets the note-giver ramble on until it somehow comes out that the reason they want Meredith Grey to get a pet labradoodle* is to make her seem less like a hideous she-devil**. Still kind of an annoying note, but hey, at least there's a reason for it.

She doesn't outline. She writes a show that has nearly 97 main characters, and easily tells 35 story lines an episode, and the woman doesn't outline. There must be a virtual whiteboard in her head. There must be. I still can't quite believe it.

She's a monster rewriter. Like, she rewrites *all* of Derek's speeches cuz "I just know how Derek would say it". In fact, sometimes her writers even leave a blank space and a note "Derek speech here" instead of bothering to write something that's just going to get thrown out. I wonder how she manages that while working on two shows?

Her big break? After writing such monster movie hits as Crossroads and The Princess Diaries 2, she was signed to a TV development deal. Her first pilot got picked up but not made. Her second pilot was Grey's. She had never been in a TV writers' room before she started running her own show. Excuse me? Would that ever happen today? Because if it would, I'm dropping everything and writing a silly family film. Stat.

There were actual words of wisdom imparted last night, but you'll have to come back next time to find out what they were.

*Mentioning labradoodles is a total clam.
**I made that up. I'm a writer. It's what I do.

***By 'those people' I didn't mean Brits. I mean the guy and the French ladies at the thing. I like Brits. I really do. I want them to read my blog. Wot wot?

Artery Cloggery
Do you like chocolate? Ice cream? Waffles? Yes? Then you should now be in your car driving towards the 101 Cafe at dangerously high speeds (hell, we all know there are only like 2 traffic cops in all of LA). When you get there, order the Chocolate Brownie Waffle. Order two. No, on second thought, only order one. It's amazing, but one is more than enough. You should probably share with a friend actually. Wouldn't want to get so fat you miss out on the starving writer discount at the next Writers Guild event.

Voice-over, what is it good for?

Pushing Daisies. Gossip Girl. Dexter. The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Veronica Mars. My So-Called Life. Grey's Anatomy. Arrested Development. Scrubs. Desperate Housewives... and so on ad infinitum.

Everyone always says "Never ever ever ever put voice-over in your spec pilots." So why do so many dang shows end up on TV with some form of VO or narrator all over them?

The obvious answer is because it's easier. Right? I mean, what better way to reveal those little plots twists, provide backstory, and turn those emotions up to 11 than by using voice-over? And how much easier it is to make something funny if you can shine a little VO flashlight on the joke. Or even give lots of jokes to the narrator, a la Arrested Development.

In some cases, it really does work. Imagine Arrested Development without Ron Howard. C'mon! How 'bout Pushing Daisies without "The facts were these". We'd be subjected to line after line of laying pipe. Veronica Mars without Veronica's clever insights? Probably not as strong. Desperate Ho-wives without Mary-Alice. I don't watch that show, so you tell me.

Thing is, it's so easy to get VO terribly, terribly wrong.

The Sarah Connor Chronicles, I'm looking at you. Can anyone ever remember Sarah's pseudo-existential ramblings from one episode to the next? Do they help tell the story, add a layer of characterization, entertain us? Anything? No. They do not. If they never wrote another VO for that show, no one would even notice. Except those of us that would be going, "Thank you Josh".

Same goes for Grey's Anatomy. I don't care what Meredith thinks "The thing about surgeons" is this week. Really. The only time I liked the Grey's VO is when they gave it to Dr. Bailey. 

What about Gossip Girl? How can a character we never even see be so annoying and so unnecessary? I love Kristen Bell, but we don't need her in GG-land. How can you call a show Gossip Girl when you really don't need the gossip girl? It wouldn't make any difference to the characters' lives if she never wrote another gossip column. 

They should change the name to Spoiled Rich White Kids with Inconsequential Problems. We don't need some bratty blog to get off on that.

Artery Cloggery
Burgers from Orean's on North Lake street in Pasadena. Totally vegetarian, totally yummy.

I didn't have fries or a shake, but I wish I had.

Would you rather be called Pappy or Harriet?

I just reread this sentence from Things I've Bought That I Love blog for like, the third time, and it still makes me laugh:

"I have to wear clothes when I sleep. Even if it's hot out. I wasn't raised by some French grad students or whatever."

Do go check out the whole post. That blog is so great for someone like me, who can only afford to shop at Loehmann's and Target - they have the best underwear though, so even if I was a tribillionaire I'd still go there. Anyway, Things I've Bought is like going on a hedonistic spending spree without the Everestic credit card debt and self-loathing to show for it.

I'm feeling good about writing right now. I left my Ugly Betty alone for a week to concentrate on fine-tuning my Grey's. Came back to Betty on Friday, and lo, it wasn't so bad after all. Some of the dialog even made me laugh out loud. Huzzah.

Slacker excuses
Total computer meltdown hard drive annihilation situation. Am now rocking a brand new Macbook (hello credit card debt!) and thanking God, Steve Jobs, and all else that's holy for a prophetic vision telling me to back up, like right now. I managed to save everything, right down to my calendar full of competition deadlines.

Oooh, I also went to the desert which was so hot and beautiful. I totally need to get those pictures online. Everyone should go visit Pappy and Harriet's Pioneer Town Palace - three buck beers and mesquite barbecued everything! Totally yum.

Which way's gravity, ma?

Still plugging away at my Grey's Anatomy. Seems like I will never be finished, though I only officially started it exactly one month ago. I'm reaching the point where I'll have to send it off to be read by my many TV addict friends, and my Mom. I just can't look at the words with any sort of objectivity any more.

I'm actually pretty excited about finishing it because then I get to write Ugly Betty, which has much more room to be kinda playful and fun, and the characters are much bigger (= easier to nail). I still haven't thought of a good story yet though. Not that I've really tried.

Finally, I'm rolling around spec pilot ideas in my head. I've got my setting and my main characters mostly worked out, but I want to come up with a unique style a la Betty/Battlestar/Ally McBeal (even though I didn't really like that show). Something that sets my script apart. Hmmmm. Mull.

Sorry to everyone, this blog was all me me me. Who cares right? You're just here because you're supposed to be writing but instead you're scouring the internet for various tidbits to keep you from thinking about your own less-than-satisfying life so far. Yikes, I think I just started channeling Douglas Coupland a little.

As my gift to you for getting this far in this post, let me recommend a little blog that I just heard about for the first time yesterday. Things I've Bought That I Love written by Mindy Kaling aka Kelly from The Office. How can you resist tidbits like this: "I find myself zoning out at work while people are diligently coming up with Jim-Pam storylines and thinking about my legs in these shorts."? Go there now and stop wasting your time on my boring blog!

Slacker excuses
Spent the day at Six Flags on Tuesday. Thought I might be too fraidy to go on the grown-up rides, but I did them all. Tatsu is pretty freakin' cool, but my favorite was Riddler's Revenge. Oooh, and X turned my world upside down - literally.

Real bad writing

Some days I write very very very badly. It's shocking actually. I'm having one of those days. Trying to plow through a rough draft of my Grey's but, well, it stinks so far. So what do I do? Write through it, hoping to get to a place where my writing improves? Or just quit for today and wait until tomorrow?

I think I'll go with plan B.

Also, news from Jane Espenson has thrown a wrench in my summer of writing. She reports that show runners are almost all demanding spec pilots or some other original writing sample for new hires.

I do have a screenplay of course, which counts. But I'm thinking an actual TV pilot might be a better way to go. So, do I abandon my summer of Ugly Betty and Bones (not to mention my half-written Grey's) in favor of a spec pilot?

Oh, the choices, the decisions, the drama!

I think I'll go watch TV.

Slacker excuses:
Watched "An Ice Cream Show" on PBS (hee, it's really called that: "An Ice Cream Show") and am now making plans to travel around the country getting fat on artisan ice cream. Yum.

Anatomy lessons

So, really no time to post these days. I'm immersed in the world of Grey's Anatomy. It follows me around, even when I'm not sitting at my desk plugging away. I was at a barbecue the other day and the conversation centered around Grey's for at least half an hour. And I did nothing to start it either.

Anyway, for a while there I was mired quite heavily in story breaking. That's always the hardest part of the process for me. Today I finished a first go at my outline - I'll sense-check every scene again, and make sure they all work in the order I've laid them out, then finally review each story to see if it works. Oh, and then make sure each story is squarely on theme - a huge part of Grey's.

But before I do that, I decided to come up for air. Deep breath, and back down I go.

My screenplay is taking a much-needed break from me for a few weeks. I'm pretty comfortable with the state it's in now - let's call it a second draft. Can't wait to get back to it, but I won't touch it again until I've got a solid Grey's draft under my belt.

Slacker excuses
I've been pretty darn good, but Ultimate Frisbee has kept me away from my desk a healthy amount the last few weeks.

PS. Can't wait. Am going to see Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio speak at the WGA next week!